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Jon had gotten up early and made breakfast for his sister, his mother had gone on one of her "vacations" the night before, which all his life had been code for going to the city for a week or two to party. Since his father had died, she had done this about every other month. The only thing different about the day is that it was his little sister's birthday, so he had gotten up early and put in extra effort. He had always thought that his sister, Alisha, was a very attractive young lady, a thought which had always caused him to feel somewhat guilty. But in all honesty any guy would think this too. She was about 5'3, 32C-24-32, at the most she weighed 105, tanned skin with short dark red hair and deep blue eyes. Unfortunately, she knew that she was hot, and grew up into a bit of a snot. Jon looked up as he heard his sister coming down the stairs. She had just woken up and had come down in her typical sleeping clothes, a soft, pink midriff that barely went down over her supple breasts. (not the drug). I want to know about my writing. Tell me if you are confused or if I have my tense mixed up. I want to know if my images are clear and easy to follow. Is the emotion I am trying to convey coming through? Did it make you laugh or cry? Is my sentence structure sound or convoluted? Are my characters believable? All feedback is good feedback.Previously on ShannonI had filmed Dave’s brother’s bachelor party and as I have said before I don’t like Dave and never have. He’s arrogant, boastful and a royal asshole, he also happens to “own” Shannon. I say he “owns” her, because she insists that he does. Shannon has been abused all her life and now she craves the things Dave does to her and like an addiction she hates doing them, but she isn’t either able or willing to stop. As a result Dave dominates, abuses and humiliates Shannon sexually. At the bachelor party she was made to have sex with two dogs and then fuck the entire room full of men. In the first story I had written.
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